By The Gods
by Schyzotypal X
Summary: that's when it occurred to him that saving someone by catching them on a bed of tiny knives was not the best idea-ByakuyaHisana


By The Gods

* * *

She's running as fast as she can because if anyone of them catches her she'll be dead dead dead. Oh dear God she didn't mean for it to get this bad, all she had wanted to do was steal a loaf of bread. Seriously, he was a _baker_ for goodness sake, it's not like he was in short supply of baked goods.

But for some idiotic reason, a Shinigami of all things had been walking along and had heard his distressed cries as she made off with one of his buns. So now she was on the run, chased by one of the most doggedly determined Soul Reapers she has ever had the displeasure of letting see her backside.

How was she supposed to know he was even a soul reaper anyway. He sure as hell hadn't been dressed like one. After all, flowery kimono's did not send a message of authority and strength. No matter how she has tried Hisana cannot find the will to respect a man who wears prettier clothes than she does.

Not to mention his hair (which is of course a perfect shroud of soft _and _shiny blackness around his face). C'mon he SO has to shampoo and condition night and day to get hair that silky smooth. And was that lemon grass chi she detected so faintly in the air behind her?

But nonetheless, though not the manliest shinigami he did seem to have a rather formidable sword. Even from here it looked rather sharp and pointy and Hisana clearly remembered that she had a horrific allergy of getting stabbed by pointy things. The side affects usually including spurting bodily fluids everywhere in a rather ungraceful manner that was somewhat akin to passing out.

And so she jumps onto a roof, praying to good he didn't get a good look at her chappy panties and keeps fucking running because at this point it's either that or stopping to leisurely eat the bun (which has now shoved itself into a rather uncomfortable place inside her dress) or dieing. Of course, both of these plans of actions get rather screwed when the shitty building of this sector makes itself known in the form of a tile shattering under her feet.

Now she is falling to what looks like an immediate death by impact with ground.

Oh dear.

* * *

Shit. Fuckidy shit fucks. How can he be failing so miserably like this? He's _Byakuya Kuchiki _for God's sake! The soul heir to the noble Kuchiki clan and one of the top shinigami in his squad. So why on earth is he having so much trouble catching on simple street urchin. Not that he really needed to catch her at all, after all he _is _a Kuchiki, but he had dived head first into this one and if he gave up now his rival Gin Ichimaru the evil cat lady would never let him live it down. Not to mention that the evil cat lady would also take all his favorite hair ties. The colorful ones with the nice little desig-MANLINESS, BEEF, VIOLENCE. But the point remained the same, catch thief, or ritual suicide to protect his clans honor.

He chases, and he chases and he chases some more. And then the little bitch has to go to the roofs, giving him a very disrespectful panty shot which he honorably refuses to (not) take. So now he's on the roofs and she's on roofs and they're both running on the roo-holy shit she's falling.

So now Byakuya's brain goes into overdrive or rather, short-circuits. Senbonzakura scatters before he can even mouth the words, and rushes to aid the plummeting girl.

Byakuya pauses, doing a mental victory dance that involves the words B-man, So and cool repeated over and over again. Until the **smart** part of him comes up and smacks him in his mentally dancing face.

It is at this crucial point that he realizes that while saving someone, catching them on a mattress of tiny knives is not the smartest plan of action.

With a rather climactic yet still very uncouth shout, Byakuya leaps forward.

* * *

The next few moments of Hisana's after life are spent tumbling into some rather awkward positions with the shinigami, giving him plenty more chappy panty shots which he still refuses (not) to take. So now that nearly all dignity has escaped her, and there rather impressive tumble session is coming to an end, Hisana can only hope that those rather dickish god's above don't make it so that her robe flops open on "accident" (she's onto those damn ethereal bastards) and the soul reaper somehow manages to fall in some degrading position on top of h-*sigh* nothing goes her way does it?

* * *

Gin had always been rather partial to the belief that some things in life are just meant to be. Especially ones that can make his ever present smile grow even wider than it's usual ridiculous width. After all, who wouldn't be reduced to hysterics if they found the great Byakuya Kuchiki in the middle of a common market ontop of some urchin girl.

Landing in a rather compromising position on top of a common girl was one thing.

Landing in a rather compromising position on top of a girl with no top on was a whole other story.

Smiling, he pulls out his soul communicator, deciding to spice it up a little bit more. What was that song that he had put as his ring tone on Byakuya's communicator, ahhhh that one, yes, that one would do quite nicely in a situation such as this.

* * *

Hisana can only lie in a daze, flipped over on her back, feeling rather drafty around her torso, except in that space where the soul reaper is so kindly straddling her.

Damn, just her fucking luck. After all, when it comes down to it, she died under a bad star. It seems like the only reason she would be so amazingly screwed right now. How can she not be screwed? A shinigami boy is on top of her, her robe FAILING and god knows where her precious bun had rolled off to.

Carefully, she looks up towards him, praying to whatever few deities that don't have it out for her that his swords not above his head and ready to stab.

But no, his sword is nowhere to be seen, neither is the rather murderous intent he seemed to exude only moments ago. Instead, he just sits, still straddling her, and staring at her exposed chest.

Well this was just great.

There better be fine work of art etched somewhere on her bra, or else, shinigami or not, this boy is in for a lot of trouble.

He opens his mouth to speak, but gets cut off by a rather erratic sounding beat.

"My milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard."

And whatever mercy Hisana might have had for the rich, Shinigami bastard on top of her goes flying out the window, shatters all over the ground, and is promptly run over several times.

And so, before poor Byakuya can turn off his phone, or even begin to kill the bastard Ichimaru for doing this to him, the girl beneath him delivers a surprisingly powerful knee to the groin.

Sooooo not expected.

He crawls into the fetal position and gasps. Gin laughs. And Hisana curses at him, kicking dirt into his face and running off.

But not before she decides to steal the very pretty kimono he was wearing, of course.

End.

* * *

Sick and watching way to much Bleach. Hope you enjoy.


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